My First Report Card

I can’t believe 6 months have passed – 10% of my planned 5-year stay in Portland.  Impossible.  Seems like yesterday I unpacked the first carton.  It is, therefore, time for an assessment - a report card on how I am adjusting to my new life.

Goals:

1. Spend time with Wesley and his parents, Stephanie and Dan.
2. Enjoy the relaxed life of a renter.
3. Get to know Portland and become part of an urban environment.
4. Lead a quieter life than the one I led in Pacific Grove.  Do what Dr. Ravishankar in India demanded of me: Take time to smell the roses - or the Indian equivalent.

Reality:

1.   Spend time with Wesley and his parents  A+

Love my time with Wesley, Stephanie and Dan.  I pick Wesley up from preschool every weekday and usually spend some weekend time with the family.  We have dinner together about once a week.  I can pat myself on the back on this one.  “Good job, Gramma,” as Wesley would say.

      2.   Enjoy the relaxed life of a renter   B-

It’s a B- because I had to jump through a LOT of hoops to get this place.  It was very odd, at my age, to be put through such a process.  My landlady wanted proof that I owned my house (how do you prove this when you are in Oregon and all your papers are in California?).  I thought going online to my bank account and showing her my mortgage payments would work – “No,” she said, “You could have set that up yourself. “ (Why would I do that?).  I had my accountant email a copy of my taxes to show my property tax payment – same thing, “No, not proof.”  (WHY?????).  Showed her my investment portfolio.  She sniffed – doesn’t prove anything.  She called my former employer (I have been retired for 8 years) to check my reliability.  (Really?  Thank you Carmel Unified for your cooperation). My favorite was when she asked for the names and phone numbers of my last 3 landlords.  I explained that: a) it had been 40 years since I rented; b) I didn’t remember their names; and c) certainly didn’t have phone numbers – if they were even alive. My credit rating finally convinced her and she accepted my application.

Once that was settled it has basically been good.  I love my little place.  It is small – a teeny living room, decent size (but odd shaped) eat-in kitchen, adequate bedroom, small bathroom, small (but delightful) upstairs attic room and a washer/dryer in the basement.  What I do love is my landlady’s immediate response when a few things have gone wrong.  I really appreciate that. 

My unit is on the right.

However – and the other reason for the B- rating - I have not been able to forget being a homeowner in California.  Right before my tenants moved into my Pacific Grove home last October, a surge of 170 volts shot through the house (caused by a tree branch scraping the line) and fried most of the wiring and appliances.  I am thankful no one was living in the house at the time because anything plugged in (computers, TVs, etc) would have also fried.  PG&E claims no responsibility and my homeowners insurance did not cover much because most appliances were older.  This has been a financial and emotional drain but, thankfully, everything is now working, the cause has been corrected, the tenants seem happy, I have a wonderful property manager and, when I have driven by the house, they are keeping it impeccably neat.  Phew.  This grade should go up in the future.

3. Become Urban in Portland   C-

This is my lowest grade.  I have been surprisingly lazy when it comes to getting to know more about Portland.  I had already seen most of the highlights from earlier trips up here and have become quite confident about the Southeast quadrant where I live but I am on the un-hip east side of the river.  The west side is the happening place  – trendy restaurants, major stores, most of the museums, Powells Bookstore, the cool stuff - and I rarely go.  Parking isn’t easy, don’t know my way around, I have to be home to pick up Wesley – see all the excuses I have come up with?

It is getting better.  I have started taking the bus so I don’t have to deal with parking and traffic.  Last time I flew back here from California I took MAX (their BART) and a bus home from the airport – with my suitcase.  Felt VERY urban and it was so easy I know I will do this in the future.  Portland transit has made the whole process simpler with a free app for my phone that identifies the best route for a trip, tells me which busses arrive at a stop, identifies how many minutes I have to wait before my bus arrives and, once I am on board, lets me set an alarm (very discreet) that will chime when I am 1/3 of a mile from my chosen stop.  It even includes a flashing light I can turn on to let a driver know I am waiting if it is dark at a bus stop.  Amazing.   

Now that I am volunteering at the main branch of the library I will be in the heart of downtown once per week.  Tomorrow is my first Saturday morning shift.  Up until now I have worked on Tuesdays and I had to get right back to pick up Wesley.  I look forward to spending my upcoming Saturday afternoons exploring. Oh, I sense I am getting more and more urban by the second.

4.   Lead a Quieter Life than the one I led in Pacific Grove  A

One thing I know for sure is that, in the past, I almost automatically said Yes to invitations to join a club, committee, volunteer assignment, discussion group, whatever.  Yes just slipped right out; I had trouble saying No.  That is why my life got so complicated in Pacific Grove.  Three book clubs (adored each of them), classes at the community college (so much fun – French, Italian, gardening, technology), volunteer work at the Multiple Sclerosis Quality of Life Project (many, many, many hours as the Executive Director), part time work mentoring new teachers at Carmel High School, art classes (anyone who knows my artistic inabilities is stunned at reading this but, oh it was fun!), a writing group (wonderful women), volunteer work at the Monterey Bay Aquarium, covering my neighbor’s art gallery when they were in a bind, lots of travel to visit friends and see new places, etc, etc, etc.  I loved every single bit of it but, together, it was a LOT.   

When I spent almost 3 months in India in 2008 (volunteering at a home for abandoned children at an ashram in the far north of India) a colleague, without asking, made an appointment for me to see an Indian Auyervedic doctor (yes, his name really was Ravishankar) who was visiting the ashram.  I went along with it – hey, a new adventure – and was deeply surprised by the experience.  I had not met him before our appointment - and joked about it at the time - but am still amazed at how perceptive he was after feeling my pulses for about 10 minutes and asking only the most basic questions about my general well-being.  It was shocking, actually.  He nailed me on the way I was choosing to live my life and had many suggestions on how to improve it.  The main one was to SLOW DOWN. 

I wanted to include a description of that meeting because it was life-changing.   It’s at http://www.donnainindia.blogspot.com/ but it's hard to navigate (you have to go backwards through the entries) and, in reality, I think I may be the only one who still has access to it.  I, therefore, cut and pasted a copy and placed it at the end of this entry.  Easy to skip, if you're not interested.  

What I can say is that I HAVE slowed down.  I live a very small life, smaller than I ever have lived in the past, and am surprised at how much I am enjoying it.  I have deliberately chosen to add few friends, experiences and commitments. Yes, I have two volunteer jobs but each is only a few hours per week.  When one of them – the social service agency that helps the poor – asked if I would consider joining their board, I actually said the magic word, “No.”  I smile and wave at neighbors when on a walk, and love engaging the kids when they are up to interesting play, but have not tried to get to know any of them better.  I didn’t get to know my duplex neighbors very well until a bit before they moved to Hawaii (actually regret that) and have been slow to get to know the new neighbors who recently moved in. It is very odd to know so few people.  At home I ran into people I knew every day – former students, friends of my children, people with whom I volunteered, neighbors, etc but here in Portland I know no one except the families of my daughter and some of her friends, a sister and a sister-in-law.  I have met a few people at my volunteer jobs but don’t see them outside of those commitments.  And, guess what?  I am really enjoying the realities of this small life in Portland.  I like being anonymous.  I like having time to do nothing or choose to read a book or go for a walk or sit in the rare bit of sun.  Perhaps Dr Ravishankar was onto something.  And, of course, equally possible, perhaps this will get old and I will get bored.  But for the time being  I am quite content.

If interested, here’s my India blog entry about my visit with Dr Ravishankar.

 The Ayurvedic Experience  (India, February 9, 2008)

We met in his bedroom – interesting, eh? Actually, Dr. Ravishankar (yes, I know, amusing) was staying in one of the 4 apartments in the VIP building. He will be here for a short time and decided to see clients in his unit. Indian beds are platforms on legs – with about a 3-inch very, very firm mattress on top. He was sitting cross-legged on the bed and invited me to join him. I told him I can’t cross my right leg (the knee won’t bend properly) so I sat with my left knee crossed with my right leg hanging off the side of the bed. “If you are comfortable that is all that matters,” he said.

Once settled, Ravishankar asked me to take off my watch and any jewelry that might have an astrological significance. I told him I had no idea because I don’t know much about astrology (Unenlightened One, here). He looked at my two rings and bracelet and asked me to remove the rings. He took my left wrist and felt my pulse. I closed my eyes and frantically tried to meditate so I would be oh so calm for this reading. (I am fine, I am fine, there is nothing wrong with me. No, wait, that’s visualization. Okay, Sha-ring, Sha-ring, Sha-ring – I am fine - Sha-ring, Sha-ring, Sha-ring . . .the darn mantra never seems to help when needed!) His hand stayed on my wrist. I tried to breathe calmly and he kept pressing gently. After the longest 7 minutes imaginable, he wrote some things on a form. Then he held my right wrist and felt its pulse for another 3 minutes – again jotting things down. Then he looked at my tongue, felt my fingernails, asked some basic info about urine/bowels. Finally, he paused for a very long minute and then began to speak.

Ravishankar: Dough-na (I am getting quite used to the Indian pronunciation of my name), why do you live this way? Why do you try to do 10-12 things at once? You don’t really do any of them well, you know, because you are so scattered. I know you are grieving about past losses (how does he know this?) but this won’t help and you have been leading this scattered life for at least 20 years (again, how does he know?). You are a Kapha (or whatever is the Ayurvetic name for my type) but you have been trying to transform yourself into a Pittta.  You are not a Pittta. You are a creative Kapha but you aren’t giving yourself time to be who you are meant to be. You eat too fast. You don’t chew your food enough. You don’t eat at regular times. You are eating too much raw food (HOW does he know this?). You must stop eating meat. Tell me about your eating schedule.

Dough-na: Well, I grab breakfast - when I eat it; I often eat lunch in front of my computer - but I usually fix dinner – and it is often made from fresh foods, lots of salads. I really don’t eat much packaged stuff. Well, there’s the packaged snack stuff I eat on the run – but some of it is good – oh, well, yes, it is often raw – veggies, salad, and so on.

Ravishankar: Dough-na, listen to what you just said. You are not focused. When you live this way, you end up doing nothing well.

Dough-na – Well, yes, I do try to do 10-12 things at once – but, in my defense, I think I get at least 9 of them done, and I think they are done well.

Ravishankar: And how much time is left for living in the present, for enjoying the moment?

Dough-na: Uhhhhhh (voice fading off into nothingness as I review my typical day back home - up by 8, going from task to task, getting to bed between 1 and 2 each morning). Well, I find time to occasionally have tea with friends, and I belong to 3 book clubs (oops – maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned that I belong to 3 – I notice his eyebrow just went up a bit), and I have traveled a lot, and, ummm . .

Ravishankar: Dough-na, think what you would become if you focused on 1 or 2 things. Your creativity is great but you have stretched it to cover all the things you try to do. You are NOT living in the present. You jump from concerns about the past to tasks for the future, back to the past - but where is the NOW? Where is the quiet time to enjoy the present? Stop and think. What are you doing? Help me. Please describe a wonderful day in your life.

Dough-na: Oh, that’s easy. The very best day of my life was my daughter’s wedding. The whole family was together. It was beautiful (I start to drift off into the memory of weaving the flowers into the arbor, watching the lights come on all over the garden - in awe at its beauty, etc)

Ravishankar: And during that day did you worry about past events or future tasks?

Dough-na: No, it was perfect from the minute I woke up until I went to bed. I just enjoyed each and every minute. (Damn, I see what’s coming. I’ve just proved his point.)

Ravishankar: Dough-na – that is how you should live every day – in the moment.

Dough-na – Wait a minute, I had to plan that day. It didn’t just happen.

Ravishankar: Did you enjoy planning it?

Dough-na – Loved it. It was lots of fun – every minute of it (Oh, crap, I guess I was living in the present those days too – proving his point AGAIN).

Ravishankar: Dough-na, you have to slow down. What are you doing here at the Ashram?

Dough-na – Well I am only teaching 2 classes per day, oh, and doing the 5th grade study session each afternoon – oh, and meeting with some teachers (that eyebrow of his is starting to twitch again).

Ravishankar: Dough-na, why did you come here?

Dough-na: Well, I wanted to help in the orphanage but it seems like the school needs me more.

Ravishankar: Dough-na, let me say it again. Do one thing and put all your creativity into it.

Dough-na: Hmm, I hate to tell you this, but when I was only doing one thing I was so bored I was actually thinking about going home early. That’s why I’ve been looking for more to do.

Ravishankar: Do one thing, Dough-na. Do one thing you really want to do. Enjoy it. Then take a walk, and enjoy the walk. Notice everything. Before each meal, inhale the aroma of the food and enjoy it. Savor each mouthful. Chew it well. Find time to meditate if that’s what you want to do. Enjoy the sun. Be quiet. Take the time to listen to what your inner self is telling you. Have balance in your day. You have no idea what is waiting for you when you finally allow yourself to be who you are meant to be. Stop trying to be what you are not.

Then he reviewed my diet:

No more raw food

No meat

Anything sweet (including fruit) is not to be eaten with a meal but one hour after

No water with meals – drink it one half-hour after.

Fish is okay

He will send me the specifics in an email

Then we practiced breathing. Yes, a consequence of hurry-hurry-hurry is that I am a shallow breather. I have to start by expanding my chest, then my stomach – and do it for 5 minutes, 6 times a day. I should be taking 7 breaths per minute, not more. And LIVE IN THE PRESENT.

My time was up. I paid him 500 rupees ($12.50). He asked me what I was going to do next. HAH - I knew the answer. “I am going to get up and walk out of the room.”

He laughed.

I have much to think about.